Sarah bought a £300 jacket last week. She felt terrible about it. So terrible, in fact, that she bought another £150 worth of "comfort purchases" to make herself feel better about the first purchase.
This sounds backwards, but it's incredibly common. When we feel guilty about spending money, our brains often respond by spending more money. It's one of the strangest quirks of financial psychology.
The guilt-spending loop
Here's how it typically works: You make a purchase that feels too expensive or unnecessary. Immediately, guilt kicks in. You tell yourself you're bad with money. You feel anxious about your financial decisions.
But guilt is uncomfortable. Your brain wants to escape this feeling quickly. For many people, shopping provides temporary relief from negative emotions. It's a distraction. It offers a small hit of dopamine. So you buy something else.
The problem? Now you have two purchases to feel guilty about instead of one. The cycle repeats.
Why this happens
Guilt about money often stems from conflicting beliefs. Part of you wants to save money and be responsible. Another part wants to enjoy life and buy things you like. When these parts clash, guilt emerges.
People who grew up with parents who argued about money, or who received mixed messages about spending, are particularly prone to this pattern. They never developed a clear framework for making spending decisions.
Research shows that negative emotions impair our decision-making abilities. When you feel guilty, your prefrontal cortex – the part of your brain responsible for rational thinking – becomes less active. This makes it harder to resist impulse purchases.
Breaking the pattern
The solution isn't to never feel bad about purchases. Some purchases deserve regret. The key is learning to sit with guilt without automatically reaching for your wallet.
First, create spending rules before you're emotional. Decide in advance what you're comfortable spending on different categories. When guilt hits, refer back to these rules instead of making emotional decisions.
Second, practice the 24-hour rule. When you feel the urge to make a guilt-driven purchase, wait a full day. Often, the urge passes.
Third, find non-spending ways to process difficult emotions. Call a friend. Go for a walk. Write in a journal. These alternatives help you work through guilt without creating more reasons for guilt.
A different approach
Instead of feeling guilty about individual purchases, focus on your overall financial trajectory. Are you moving toward your goals? Are you spending less than you earn? Are you building savings?
If the answers are yes, then occasional "expensive" purchases probably aren't worth the emotional energy. If the answers are no, then you need a budget adjustment, not more guilt.
Remember: Money is a tool for creating the life you want. Guilt about money rarely helps you create that life. Clear planning and conscious decision-making do.